Every girl loves to be referred to as "Daddy's little girl." Every little girl loves to ask a boy,"are you scared to meet my dad?" Growing up as kids our first words were either: Da-da or bye-bye. But as a little girl, these words are never meant to go in the same sentence. Your daddy is invincible. He is guardian your angel, but just doesn't wear any wings. But for me my angel received his set of wings way before I thought he was suppose to. Cancer took this all from me. You can't explain to a 8 year old girl what cancer is, or a hospice, or why your parents are going to be spending a week in Mexico, and most of all what the word terminal means. You can't explain that one goodbye will be the last one.
I come from a family of 2 older sister, 2 older brothers, and 1 younger brother. I started to notice that my brothers and sisters started to be more distant than they usually were, but I didn't ask any question but instead just kept being the crazy curly haired little girl every one knew me as. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer when I was seven years old. Hospital after hospital, at the time it didn't mean anything to me but just I got to miss school and spend the day with who knows who, it was someone different all the time.
November 21,2001 was just another day for me. Woke up, and at that time I insisted I go to school, unlike now where I beg to skip. But I didn't go to school that day. That day was the day my world was turned upside down. What most people don't know is that my mom wasn't even the one who told me the news, but instead it was her best-friend who was at the house that morning while her and my older brothers and sisters were at the hospice. For the longest time, I couldn't forgive my mom for that, that was something only your mom should tell you. But God healed my heart, and my mom is now my biggest fan, my hero, and I don't know what I would do without her. The drive to the hospital was so silent you could hear every raindrop slowly hit the windshield as it started to rain. My mom let us go in one at a time to say our "goodbyes" to the man who was once my father. But out of everyone I refused. I wasn't going in that room, I wasn't going to look at that man laying in the hospital bed, because that wasn't my dad. That wasn't my guardian angel. I wasn't going to say goodbye because that wasn't goodbye for me.
For the longest time I asked myself, How does a little girl go on with her life without having a daddy by her side? and my answer was she doesn't, she can't, time goes bye, the days sometimes get easier, but at the end of the day I lay my head down on the pillow knowing I'm not waking up to not being your typical daddy's little girl. From feeling this way resulted in the fact I never wanted to leave my mom's side, I was so scared something would happen to her. I knew God took away my dad, but I wasn't gonna let Him take my mom too. I refused to go to school, a third grader, fighting with my mom every morning, screaming and crying. When you lose a loved one, at first everyone is all "I'm so sorry for your loss." But eventually the cards stop coming, the phone calls stop, and people go on with their life, but when you are the one who is in the middle of it.... you don't go on with life. You wake up to it everyday.
I grew up in a christian home, both of my parents very outspoken about their faith. So I knew all about Jesus dying on the cross for me. Always went to church, but when you are a little girl, its hard to understand that God has a plan for you, and that everything will work out in the end, for His glory and your good. I'm not going to deny the fact that I blamed God, I hated God. I wanted nothing to do with him. I sometimes consider myself Naomi, when in the book of Ruth she states three times in the same verse, that she blamed God for everything that has happened to her, that God took everything from her. I was Naomi. But God finally intervened, He grabbed hold of me and my heart and became my hope. But even with finally running to God, the struggled still remained; I was fatherless.
All I ever thought about was my wedding day, who was going to walk me down the isle. It was like a never ending battle. The enemy used all the occasions that a daddy should be there with his daughter to make me feel so alone. But the enemy has been defeated, and God wasn't going to let him win this battle. This year, as a 17 year old girl, I was standing in the open field at Stone Mountain park at Atlanta Fest, the day before father's day listening to casting crowns sing the song "Praise you in the storm," and I fell to my knees and cried harder than I have in a long time. When the song was over and I had the strength to stand back up, my best friend who was standing behind me turned me around and wrapped his arms around me, and started praying over me, I couldn't help but start crying again. But in the same moment, his arms wrapped around me. the day before Father's day, Megan Garrett started singing and the line from the song was, "father to the fatherless," in the moment it was like a peace came over my entire body, and I finally realized; I wasn't fatherless. I don't think it was by accident that out of all the friends I had with me there that night, the one who took me in their arms was a male, it was almost like God was showing me a sense of protection, showing that this is what he was doing with me all along. He has me in His arms. I felt that sense of protection that every girl longs to feel, and while I felt so safe, He spoke so clearly to me and let me know that all this time that I felt alone, I felt labeled by the fact I didn't have a father, that I did. He never left me, He was just waiting for me to finally turn around.
My story could go on and on because when you are a daughter of the King, God continues to work in and through your life. But my encouragement to girls out there who feel fatherless, whether its losing a father to cancer, or just not having a father figure in your life, or even just having a father who is there but seems so far away. Hold on, don't let go. God is coming for you, just like He did for me that night in the field. Always remember: You are God-designed, purpose intended, significant, lavishly loved, princess, and DAUGHTER of the King of the universe.
My name is Adria. I was labeled fatherless, and I let it take over my life. God intervened and saved me. By His power, and overwhelming love I have realized..... I AM NOT FATHERLESS.
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