Victory.

You might lose the battle, but God always wins the war.

Battle: 

-An encounter between opposing forces.

-Armed fighting; combat: wounded in battle. 

-A match between two combatants: trial by battle. 

War:

-A state of open, armed, often prolonged conflict carried on between nations, states, or parties. 

-The period of such conflict. 

[A battle is just a part of the war]

If you are like me there are days when you lay your heard down on your pillow at night and ultimate defeat strikes you. Your youngest child pitching fits all day, your oldest falling into the ways of the world, the mirror telling you that you aren't good enough, your parents not loving you, the list goes on and on. These are all battles, encounters with Satan. Yeah, you might lose the battle today, or you might have lost the battle yesterday and felt like Satan won, and honestly that is okay, or I feel like it is at least. If we believe that it's not, that is telling ourselves that its not okay to not be okay, and if we were all okay we wouldn't even need Jesus, and I think I can get an amen to the fact we need Jesus. 

But the beautiful thing is; the battle is just part of the war. Battles make up the war. Even in legitimate wars a nation could lose battles, multiples ones, but still win the war. That's my hope today. So what if I go to sleep at the end of the day and feel defeat. So what if today pain wins over, and all I have is tears. I lost the battle, but Jesus ALWAYS wins the war, and because He is victorious we are victorious. So today you are victorious in Him and with Him. 

Deuteronomy 20:1-4 (message)

"When you go to war against your enemy and see horses and chariots and soldiers far outnumbering you, do not recoil in fear of them; God, your God, who brought you up out of Egypt is with you. When the battle is about to begin, let the priest come forward and speak to the troops. He’ll say, “Attention, Israel. In a few minutes you’re going to do battle with your enemies. Don’t waver in resolve. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Don’t panic. God, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.”

Fighting against your enemies.

Fighting to win.

I don't claim to know what you are fighting against today, and I sure don't claim to say that it is easy. But whatever your enemy is, I know that Jesus is fighting against it, and I know He is fighting to win. But more than that, I know He does win. 

"The battle of life is, in most cases, fought uphill; and to win it without a struggle were perhaps to win it without honor. If there were no difficulties there would be no success; if there were nothing to struggle for, there would be nothing to be achieved."

-Samuel Smiles 

To win without struggle is to win without honor. To win without struggle means to win without anything achieved. 

Yesterday I watched my cousin get baptized, and I can honestly say she lost multiple battles. She would tell you that herself. She fights addiction everyday and in the past she lost over and over. But yesterday she stood in front of others and as she wiped the water off her face as she come up from being baptized; Jesus won the war. 200 days sober on the day she got baptized. Jesus won the war. Fired from her job because of addiction, but now has a better job than she did before. Jesus won the war. Lost and broken and searching for an escape from pain and now one of the most joyful people I know, and finds her escape in worship. Jesus won the war. 

Jesus is greater than anything you walk into, walk through, or face today or any other day. Because He is greater, we will always overcome. 

Today Jesus, we admit that we know we might feel defeat but we hold tight to the fact you will always win. We hold tight to the fact you are greater.

Details.

I have a story. I knew after all this happened that I would blog about this. But Jesus made it clear to me after I received a text message from my sweet friend that it was her story to tell. So I am going to let her tell it.

The text message:

Adria. I'm in my car. And I'm sitting in a Starbucks parking lot. And I start thinking about everything. And Satan tries to come in and steal it and the most refreshing thought and truth comes over me--- not only did Jesus make me. But he prepared all these little things for him. This is not a mistake. I met you and was so amazed by your story. And from that day I asked Jesus for a story Adria. Cause I felt like I didn't have one. But I do. And the this new chapter of it, is blowing my mind. I met a friend with a passion for Jesus that blew my mind. And I wanted that. And I felt like I couldn't have it because I didn't know where my place was. That friend was you Adria.

First off let me begin by saying, Emily gives me way to much credit. The girl has a huge gift for making people feel valuable. She is the most encouraging person I know. After I read this I knew that Jesus had wired all of this together for her so specifically. Every single little detail.  -If I hadn't decided to take time off from school then I wouldn't have the freedom to take a random trip. -If we hadn't decided to take a trip, Emily wouldn't have brought me a check to the house I was babysitting at that night. -If Emily hadn't brought me a check, she wouldn't be able to tell you the story you are about to read. The list could literally go on and on.  Don't you love how Jesus does that. Every single little detail. I will say it again, every single little detail. He pieces them together and then we stand in amazement.  I write all the time. It could be blogging, it could be tweeting, or it could be journaling. But I write, because when I write I have a way to go back re-read what Jesus has done and how faithful He has been time after time. So no, I am not gonna tell you this story. Because it is Emily's story, and I wanted her to have a way to always remember when Satan comes in and tries to tell her otherwise that she most certainly has a story. Like she said in her text message to me, "I asked Jesus for a story." He answered.

Emily Griffin:

   Growing up everyone asks the famous question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?” For me, that answer was never certain. I have always had a huge desire to be a mom and wife but there’s not a course for that.  Trust me, I researched it.  When I would tell advisors they would look at me and just said, “Awe, honey, that’s so sweet.”
   Before I knew it, I was a senior in high school. To me, everyone knew what they wanted to do, but me. Of course I wasn’t the only one but Satan loves to share that lie with us. The truth was, Jesus had already gone way before and He was directing each step.

   I decided to go to Anderson University in South Carolina. I was so excited because my older sister was there and my best friend was going with me as well.  When we first began school, I really enjoyed it. As time went on, I was really struggling. My best friend would come back from class and would share stories about her exciting day. I wanted a story so badly. I majored in Early Childhood Education. I felt like it would be perfect for me because of my love for kids. I soon realized, it just wasn’t for me. I was so unhappy. I tried hard to make it look like I was happy. I could only keep this act up for so long. After my freshman year, I transferred back home. I didn’t have a clue where or what I was going to do. I just asked the lord to lead me, and I knew that Anderson was not where he had me. So, I packed up and headed back home. You would think I would be happy because I was headed to something better, but actually I was a complete mess. 

   I had left my sister and best friend and “ my plan” for my life was ruined. I felt like a failure. Summer came at the perfect time. I was able to just be at home with my family and also have some time with the lord to think about what was next. 

      I have always enjoyed babysitting so during this time I was able to get back into that. I got a lot of jobs and I was really excited. It brought me so much joy to step into these families and serve them. 

I attend Passion City Church, and have the privilege of working with the 2^nd and 6^th grade girls! (and what a privilege that is!) During this time I was able to meet Adria. Her heart immediately challenged me. We both loved kids so much and were able to share babysitting jobs with each other. At first, our conversations were centered on babysitting but as time went on we really opened up with one another. I’m blessed to say that to this day we are very close and I consider her a best friend. 

   As summer came to an end, I had decided to go back to school to finish core classes.  I still wasn’t sure what it was Jesus wanted me to do. I’m a very organized person and I absolutely love to always have a plan.  In this situation not having a plan made me crazy. I had different possibilities of what I thought I could do but I never was absolutely positive. I didn’t want to waste any time though. I didn’t want to just go to class . I talked with my parents and and many leaders that I look up to. Everyone always pointed me the fact that Jesus was leading me. I knew he was always leading me but its one thing to know and another to believe. I had to really pray and ask the lord to show me how to believe. I remember different friends were coming to me with similar situations. Without any hesitation, I always told them that God was leading them. I went on to say that he was near to them. 

   Have you ever needed your own advice? In this case, I needed to listen to myself. If Jesus was leading my friends in their situations—wasn’t he leading me too?  Of course, He was. I love what it says in Joshua 1:9. It says, “ Have I not commanded you? Be Strong and courageous, do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

   I held this verse very close and chose to believe it for me. It was an amazing feeling to know that Jesus, my best friend, and my king, was near to me. I am able to walk hand in hand with him through all the adventures of my life. 

   I’m literally sitting here typing this and I couldn’t be more excited to share with you how faithful Jesus is......

 
   My friend Adria and myself decided to go on a trip to Colorado to visit our friend. We planned this trip pretty fast, when I say fast I mean she texted me about it Sunday and we bought the tickets Sunday. I couldn’t believe we were actually going to go. The next day I planned to meet Adria to give her a check for the trip. Before I met her I was at home with my mom. I began to get really stressed about my future. I started researching and thinking about what to do. My mom told me to think about Dental Assistant training school. This was something that I had gone back and forth with for a while. I didn’t say anything back to my mom. I just continued to research and watch all the videos I could on Dental Assistants. I just asked the lord in that moment to please lead me. If this is what He wanted, I was going to need Him to show me. I put my computer down and went to get ready.  Before meeting Adria I was going to meet with my mentor from church. When I met with my mentor, all I could think about was my future. She began to talk with me and I was able to share with her about being a dental assistant. She was very excited for me and was able to really share some things with me that really ministered to my heart. I told her it wasn’t so much that I passionate about teeth. I like teeth but that wasn’t the point. The point was I wanted to do something where I was serving someone. I wanted to be someone’s right hand man.  It just made sense to me. I continued to pray and I just felt in that moment so much peace. 

   Adria was babysitting when I went to meet her. As I entered the house something hit me immediately. It was the most powerful thing I have felt in a while. I looked at Adria and I said what is that? She smiled back at me and was like…yep. I said, that’s Jesus isn’t it? She looked at me with the biggest smile on her face and was like, "yes."  This was just in the first 2 seconds of entering the house.  I was trying to meet the kids that Adria was babysitting but it was so hard for me. I had to just be silent. The power of the Holy Spirit was so heavy. Adria decided to show me around the house. I knew one of the kids she was watching because she happens to be one of the 2^nd grade girls that we both lead at church.    The more we walked around, the more heavy it got.  Time went by and we were just catching up with each other and the little girl came running down the steps.  She told us that her tooth was about to come out, and funny part is she goes, "Adria I know you hate teeth." But I went running over there to help her. The little girl mentioned that her mom was dentist and she always helped her with her teeth. I stood back and asked what she had said. Adria said, "yeah, she was a dentist assistant". I couldn’t believe it. I asked her to say that again as well, to make sure I was hearing correctly. I looked at Adria and I told her I had been praying about this for so long. Right in that moment, it all hit me. For the first time, it all made sense. All the little details were coming together. Jesus knew each of those little details. They were his little details. 

   I was completely undone. I couldn’t stop crying because it was all so powerful, it was so Jesus!  As I write this now I am officially signed up for Dental Assistant school! What???? Yes, its true! Im just a tad excited!  

  Now, I not only know God is leading me but I believe. I see that He is a promise maker and a promise keeper. And Im proud to say that all along I really did have a story and this was just a small and exciting chapter! 

I challenge you to let the Holy Spirit lead you.  Lean in, trust, and know He has you!

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without boarders. Let me walk upon the waters. Wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.” ( Oceans- Hillsong United)  

-Emily Griffin 

I love that it wasn't some huge moment in the middle of a concert, or a conference with 60,000 other people, or something a pastor said.. It was a little girl with a loose tooth that put all the pieces together for Emily.

Jesus, this is your story.

Nothing.

Does the often repeated cry for God to do something sometimes feel like a scream. And what if we can't find any other means of delivery but then just that, a scream. Even then, God is not far from the voice of our roaring; for He does not regard our prayers, but His own Spirit's work in them excited by the desire of our hearts. Speak honestly. Realize that your cries out for help are our are statements of faith and belief in who God says He is, and that He is the only answer. 

Lately, the way I feel could be summed up into one word; nothing. 

There have been multiple times I have started to write and I have no words. Absolutely nothing.

September 9,2013

"Jesus, the words aren't coming. I feel like the pages of my life are blank right now. I feel like i'm doing nothing. Teach me to wait. But more than that, teach me to be expectant even when I feel like nothing is coming."

{Isaiah 58:12}

"Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called repairer of broken walls, restorer of streets with dwellings."

ancient ruins: a state of nothing

foundations: the start

repairer of broken walls: the process/ working

streets with dwellings: Jesus turned absolutely nothing into everything.

All great things start from nothing, and then slowly turn into something. Being in the state of "nothing" isn't bad, it means you can be available for Jesus to turn your nothing into anything. I still have full confidence in the decision I made to not go to school, despite where I am at right now, because I know Jesus has something coming for me. What it is I still couldn't tell you. But I believe it. 

I believe Jesus will turn nothing into something.

ashes to beauty.

nothing to something. 

Isaiah 61:13

David to a King.

a nobody to a somebody.

2 Samuel 5:1-3

Dry bones to life.

nothing to something.

Ezekiel 37.

Psalm 139:15

"....how I was sculpted from nothing into something." 

Jesus became the ultimate "nothing" on the cross, to give us all a chance to become something. 

All because He became nothing.

I became a daughter.

I became loved.

I became cherished.

I received purpose.

I received mercy.

I received grace.

I have life.

All because He was willing to become nothing. 

So Jesus, turn my nothing into something like you have so faithfully done time after time. Teach to me accept where you have called me to be right now, and to be right where I am at, even if that requires me waiting patiently for what is next. Use my nothing, and turn it something that will glorify you in everything. 

“Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.” -Jarod Kintz

College?

The famous question, "Where are you going to college."

My famous answer, "I don't know."

Going into your senior year, prepare yourself to be asked a million times, "what's next?" Some people know. They know exactly where they wanna go to school. They know what their calling in life is. But if you are like me, I didn't/don't know what's next. Some people give you the "are you serious" look, others have respect to the fact you are vulnerable enough to admit it. However, you find respect from few.

Through my senior year, Jesus literally blew my heart up, over and over. Things happened I would have never dreamed, which is such a picture of the how Jesus ALWAYS does the immeasurably more, even when you don't expect it, let alone even think about it. Then the Summer came. Being busy is an understatement, but Jesus opened doors for me that have led to opportunities some people only dream about. Yep, there where times I had to be on my face before the Lord and beg Him to give me the courage to take the next step. But, these opportunities have/are shaping and molding me into what Jesus wants me to be. But senior year ended, summer ended. So what's next?

Notice how I said what HE wanted me to be. Hate to step on anybody's toes, but it doesn't matter what you want, it matters what Jesus wants. We so often recite the Lord's prayer out of Matthew, and I think we say it but don't surrender to what we are praying; "let your will be done." Those words literally mean, "Okay Jesus whatever you want."

Thats my prayer right now. Jesus, whatever you want.

So. All of my friends are packing up and going off to college. Moving into their dorm, and starting classes, and I am sitting at home. Yep, i'm not going to school first semester.

I know, you are probably thinking, "I would be so stressed if I was her." There have been times where I literally think about it so much that its exhausting. But Jesus has placed this verse on my heart the past couple weeks, Ezekiel 37:3, "... Sovereign Lord, you alone know." I would wake up in the middle of the night not able to sleep and would find myself saying this phrase of that verse over and over.

[You alone know]

One day after I had thought about this verse for days and days I decided to tear it apart. Jesus what are you trying to tell me.

You: Jesus.

Alone: exclusive from anyone or anything;incomparable.

Know: to have understanding of importance; to have experienced, or be familiar with.

In other words, "you alone know" means:
Jesus, you are incomparable, apart from anyone else, and you have understanding of the most important things because you have experienced the life we live.

So there is the answer to my question, and to so many others.  I don't know what's next, but Jesus knows, and I have full confidence that He will lead my life exactly where it needs to go.



Jesus, I will follow you, wherever you lead me. Let you will be done in my life. Whatever YOU want. Because I know, You alone know.

I am.

Jesus it's your story. 

I am a simple life with an amazing God. I am a vessel and a voice of Jesus, King of Kings, Lord of Lords.  And the only reason worth living for, is to know Him as He unveils Himself to me and through me in a real trench-life. I have given up labels and claims. I am what He makes me and is making me. I am His mystery-unfolding and He holds all the knowledge of what that is and is not. Of what that will be and how He will make Himself known in this life, He alone sees. The vision of my hopes lie buried in His Ability. I do know what my calling and purpose is: love my God above all, with all. Then love those given to me. I am about Him. I am here for Him. He is my life, my all, my only.

This is why.

Job 9:10, "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed."

That verse right there sums up everything I am about to tell you.

Being a part of Passion City church there has been some crazy things happen that Jesus has orchestrated and has blessed me in more way than possible, but I think this, actually I know, that this tops them all.

[Door-holder] someone who makes it possible for others to come in. Someone who serves, because they have been served.

When I first started the process of applying to be a door-holder I asked the Lord to use me as much as He could wherever He placed me. He answered the prayer.

So often when we pray we think we are obligated to see the result, or to see some type of proof that God is listening and working. But shouldn't we be focused more on having a posture of thanks to the fact we serve a God that even makes it possible for us to communicate with Him. Then when those moments happen that we are privileged enough to see a prayer that was in our hearts surface to life we should be overwhelmed. Blown away. That is me right now.

Back to being a door-holder. I ended up serving in passion kids. My first week I was in Kindergarden girls and absolutely loved it, and thought this is exactly where I am suppose to be. But God had other plans. The next week I was in the first grade girls tent. If you know me, you know that I absolutely love kids. It is no secret. But out of all the little girls in my tent there was one that stood out, one that I was drawn to more than the others. However, I didn't know why. I knew she was an absolute sweet heart, she listened, she responded, and she was always the last one to leave, meaning I got to spend more time with her than the other girls. But, I knew in my heart there was something special about her.

I didn't think anything else about it, until the next sunday I served in passion kids. The little girl walks in, I am instantly super excited. After we hear the lesson, come back to the tent and finish talking over what all we learned today, I start talking to the little girl. She tells me all about her weekend and all that she did. Out of curiosity I ask what her parents do, what kind of jobs they have. She answers, "well my mom doesn't work, and my dad used to have a job but he died last year."

At the time Louie was in the series "Passion and Purpose," so I had been asking the Lord to show me my purpose in the things I do. In that moment the innocent 7 year old girl muttered the words," he died," I knew my purpose.  I knew why I was moved from Kindergarden girls to first grade. I knew why I was drawn to her. I knew why she was special. She was me. I understood her, and she was placed in my tent so I could tell her that. That I understood.

Crazy huh? How the Lord made all of this happened. Well, it gets crazier.

After all this, I wanted so desperately to talk to her mom, and tell her all that had happened. But the opportunity just never presented itself. But, last night after the 5 o'clock gathering her mom stopped me and we began to talk. She thanked me for being so good to her daughter, and I began to tell her the story of my dad. I tell her how I had just turned 8 in October and then my dad died in November.  She asks if I can remember what day, I tell her. The same exact day her husband died. The same exact day this little girl lost her father. The same day I lost my father. With both of our eyes filled with tears we are both at a loss for words. This is not a coincidence. This is God. This is an answered prayer.

When we lose a loved one we embark on a journey of the question, "Why?" Why us? Why my dad? Why did you do this? We might never get the answer we want, but God shows us little things, puts us in certain situations to where we say, "this is why."

10 years later.
One little girl. The same age as I was. The same day. Standing face to face with her mom who is reflecting Jesus without speaking any words. I know; This is why.

I can show this little girl there is hope. That she will be okay. That I was once her.
That she is not fatherless.

I can tell her that someday she will say, "this is why."

"We are Yours, forever we are Yours. Faithful Father."

Jamaica.

One week.

One team.

One goal.

One love.

One God.

I am going to try to put into words my trip to Jamaica, but no amount of words will ever be enough. 

Jamaica to most, including myself, is thought of as a beautiful beach and sunshine. Which don't get me wrong it is beautiful, but Jamaica is so much more than that. The beauty isn't in the beaches, or the scenery. The beauty is in the people. 

We step off the plane monday afternoon, first thought... HUMID. We are greeted by the missionaries we will be staying with and the pastor of the church we will be serving along side. We load the buses, and the week begins.

I had a lot of doubt going into this week. But the instant a sweet little Jamaican boy named Deshaun (guessing on the spelling) wrapped his arms around me and told me he was so happy I had come, all doubt was removed and replaced with joy. 

Tuesday morning came early. We eat breakfast and prepare for the day. One group will go to the home of a member of the church and help work on their house. My group will go to the home of the Pastor's that has been destroyed by termites and do whatever we are told. Now when I say house, some of our living rooms are bigger than the homes these people live in. But they are more grateful for the little they have than any of us are for everything we have. 

Let me just say us American are lazy. No offense to anyone, but we are. The work ethic of these people would blow your mind. We mixed concrete and were told anytime we get it on us to rinse it off because it will burn, while we are doing so the Jamaicans are mixing the concrete, standing in it barefoot. Not complaining at all. Isn't that how our walks as Christians should be. Every time something happens, we stop, we produce some type of anger or resentment towards the Lord and question His perfect plan for our lives. Why? Because we want the pain to go away. But what if we were like the Jamaicans. What if we just kept going. We didn't stop to wash off the concrete. 

Don't you love how God works. It wasn't a sermon or a church service that revealed to me the first thing the Lord wanted me to learn in Jamaica. 

It was by the people.

After every day we worked we would come home and be greeted by kids. Tired, exhausted, and sunburnt, but the instant you would see one of those kids smile and all of a sudden you could go a little bit longer. I think Jesus works like that as a reminder, just when you think you can't go anymore He reminds you, you can. He lets you feel weak and exhausted, just so you can realize how much we need to depend on Him. 

It was by the people.

As a kid, Easter egg hunts were the second best thing to Christmas morning. Some of the kids we were with had never experienced an easter egg hunt. That moment when they rushed out of the church and begin to sprint to pick up the eggs will be a moment I won't ever forget. They displayed excitement. They would run up to us and show us how many eggs they had found and then run to someone else and tell them. They painted a picture for me. Shouldn't that be us? Shouldn't we run to people, tell them what we have found. We have found Jesus. But we don't stop at the first person, we run to the next.

It was by the people. 

Jesus revealed himself to me in more ways then I mentioned, but I think that this is the biggest point He wanted me to realize; that He is always going to be enough. Something I have been told over and over, and even professed but never fully grasped, until now. Why now? Because of the people. 

Beginning to see the common thread here. It was always the people. It was the kids wrapping their arms around me. It was the men working as hard as they did and never stopping. It was the people having nothing but being happy. Why? Because Jesus was enough for them.

Monday morning came. Packed up and ready to go. Hugs begin and so do the tears. The people have changed my life more than I could ever change theirs. I came to serve them, but they served me more. I came to bless them, and they blessed me more. But most of all, I came to love them like Jesus did, and they loved me more. 

It was the people. 

Sweet Deshaun, looks up at me with eyes filled with tears and says He is glad I came. The first words he told me but not the last, because while we were there precious Deshaun accepted Jesus as his Savior.    

As I hold back tears even now, one thought comes to mind. Immeasurably more. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20