This is Why: Part II

For those of you who know me, or keep up with my blog you know all about the first "this is why" post and how unexpectedly it took off and spread like wildfire. For those of you who don't know the story you can read it here. Part I 
(you are going to want to read that before this.)

However, today I have a new story for you.

I have entered into a whole new season of life this year. I started college three weeks ago and that in itself is a whole new world. I also entered into my first season of coaching volleyball for my old high-school. My days go a little like this..... class, drive to practice, eat lunch will driving to practice, practice for two hours, dinner, homework, shower (sometimes), bed, and then wake up and do it all over again. Throw in a game once or twice a week, which means late nights and homework being started after 10 o'clock and you have my week. To sum it up, I think I am always tired, and I am always trying to catch up. Talk about a wake up call. This time last year I would wake up every single day and struggle to find something to do. I went from one extreme to another, and from being tired of the rest to longing for rest.

Don't get me wrong, I am loving every second of this new chapter. It might be crazy, but sometimes crazy is good. But the past week or so I have found struggle because the business has taken away the countless hours out of the week that I used to spend with a precious 8 year old girl and her brothers (the same little girl mentioned in the other post). I would see instagram post their mom would put up of the kids and I would feel so full of shame, because Satan was whispering in my ear, "you left them." But Satan does't get the last word. Jesus ensured that when He hung on the cross on top of calvary. When He spoke out, "it is finished," He was also telling Satan he was finished.

I love the girls I get to coach, but from the get go there has been one that I was just drawn to. We just clicked. She is a junior so technically she isn't suppose to be on my team, but because she just transferred from a public school to a private school she wasn't eligible to play varsity. Lets just stop right there for a second.... she shouldn't even be on my team, but she is.

This past Saturday we played in a tournament at Norcross Highschool. But leading up to Saturday I had a player call me last minute and tell me she wasn't coming, and another one tell me Friday night that she was sick. My stress level was through the roof. When my alarm went off at 5:30 Saturday morning I was flat out just irritated. I didn't want to go. Oh and on top of all of that, we didn't have keys to our bus so we were late to our game, and the gym we were playing in didn't have air condition.

But, the day went on.

After our first game we had an our break, so the girls were all sitting at a table in the lunchroom eating some snacks, and I was just small talking with some of the parents.

I sat down across from the mom of the girl I told you earlier about, the one I just clicked with. She had just met my mom the night before at the football game. That is crazy in itself because my mom never goes to football games, but she did that night because my niece was performing in the half time show. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up showing her a picture of my family, and was telling her who everyone looked like. After pointing to my older brother and saying, "he looks just like my dad did," she then asked me, "did your dad pass away?" I answered, "yes mam, when I was eight." Expecting a typical response of, "I am so sorry," she looked and me and said, "did my daugher tell you her dad died when she was nine?"

déjà vu huh?

I looked at her mom with a blank stare because I instantly understood. The same way I understood why I was so drawn to a little girl in a 1st grade tent, I understood why I was drawn to a 17 year old girl on a volleyball team. I then told her mom the story of how this has happened to me before, and how I knew there was something about her daughter all along, but that I couldn't pin point it, and she sat in just as much amazement as I did.

For this to happen once in someones life is one thing, but it to happen twice... whoah.

My heart that was so full of shame was stripped of all shame, and was filled with the simple phrase once again, "this is why." Granted my heart still misses that little girl, and I know she will forever be a part of my life, but Jesus has made it so clear to me that my story, and my life isn't just meant to be shared with one person. If I let Him, He wants to make Himself known not to just one person, but to many. Your story isn't just meant to be shared with one person. Your story is meant to be shared with every person. 

I knew that when I walked into this new chapter that it was exactly where Jesus wanted me to go, but I didn't really understand why He was asking me to step away, for a time, from 3 kids that I knew I had been called to. But a 17 year old girl answered my question. 

In a way it was also Jesus saying, "hey, I know you think you are here to make these girls better volleyball players but you are here for so much more than that."

The beautiful thing was that I simply didn't want to go to this tournament, as bad as that is. Everything was going all wrong. I was mad, tired, and it was the last place I wanted to be.... but it was the exact place Jesus wanted me to be.

Jesus has made is so clear to me that even the days that leave us questioning not only ourself but sometimes even questioning Him are not excluded from the days He wants to reveal Himself to us. On the worst of days, Jesus is near. 

A dear friend told me one night in his kitchen this Summer that, "sometimes one calling ends, so another calling can begin." 

That's it.

Maybe Jesus is calling you somewhere right now but you are fighting it, and questioning it because you know that where you are is where at one time you were confident Jesus wanted you to be. That might be the case, but my friend said it best... sometimes one calling ends, so another can begin. 

Isaiah 43:17-19

"This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new."

[Be alert. Be present. I am about to do something brand-new.]

Be alert friends, Jesus wants to do something new. Don't find yourself in love with being comfortable. But instead be willing to go at all times. Be ready for the "new."

And when you take that step of faith into the "new" and begin to question, lean it. He will answer. He will show you... "this is why."