I literally had no idea what I was going to do or what Jesus had in store for me. This wasn't a "mission trip," to a third world country where I was going to have a definite plan everyday. This was a, "I have the chance to go, so why not?"
I have an older friend who is currently living in Guatemala for a year, so that is what initiated the interest and ultimately lit the spark for me to jump on a plane and fly down here. Note: I have never flown by myself, let alone flown out of the country so I was extremely nervous, but all went well and I arrived safe and sound.
On a day to day basis, the girl I am staying with works at the local children's hospital with kids that are severely handicapped. I had seen pictures that she posted, and felt like I knew what to expect.... I was wrong.
As we walked down the hall, my heart started to race and I was nervous. Ever since my dad died me and hospitals just don't go together. It brings back painful memories and flashbacks that no person wants to relive. Then there they were, the kids. Kids in wheelchairs literally just sitting in the middle of what you would consider like a court yard. Toothbrushes just thrown into a bucket and the nurses just use whatever one they pick up to brush the kids teeth. Most of the kids just sitting there getting no attention what so ever because there aren't enough nurses, because they can't afford it. I have seen handicapped kids before in my life, but not like this. The thing about these kids is most of them are products of parents who were alcoholics or drug addicts which resulted in them being handicapped, so no they weren't born this way, their parents contributed to the reason. Continuously wiping tears from my eyes, because I am broken, and so overwhelmed.
[How ungrateful I am Jesus]
The only thought consistently going through my mind.
As Shelby, the girl I am staying with, got one of the girls out of her chair and was holding her, a smile bigger than you could ever imagine was thrown across her face. But how?
I am staring at a little girl who is smiling from ear to ear that can't talk, can't walk, can't even put her legs together because she has problems with her hips and I know Jesus can heal her, He is more than capable, and I have that hope. But this little girl doesn't even have the privilege to know that, and yet she also don't complain and question Him the way we do when want some type of healing, but instead joy is the expression this child is radiating.
[The ability to know Jesus has the ability to heal is something to be thankful for in itself, even if the healing you want doesn't come when you want it.]
I am the type of person, like most of you, that I just want to see. I want to see God doing something. I want to see evidence that He is being who He says He is in my life. I wan't to know He is with me.
But I am realizing that just knowing that God is who He says He is a gift we already don't deserve, so for us to want the best of both worlds to know and see is so selfish of us.
"Be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10
We aren't called to see, we are called to know.
He didn't tell us to see, He told us to know.
So, today take a step back and realize the fact you have the ability to know Jesus and know what He is capable of. That is far more than enough, and far more than what some people have.
Jesus, teach us to live a life with a heart thankful that we can [know], and move us away from the attitude of always wanting to see.
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