Getting There.

Is there a God?
Is He involved in my world?

Our belief in God, usually at one point leads to one of the biggest lies Satan can make us believe, "If there is a God then where is He in all the bad?" Satan's plan is to extinguish our faith and our love for God just as He did to Eve.

Don't we all think sometimes God gives us problem for us to solve, and then we slowly realize that we never find the answers. We never solve the problem. The Lord doesn't give us problems for us to solve, the Lord gives us problems to drive us to Him so He can show us who He is, and we can realize He is the solver.

Isaiah 9:6
"For to us a child is born,to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

When I think of a counselor I think of someone who doesn't show you how to deal with your feelings but instead helps you realize what your feelings really are. The Holy Spirit has been my counselor. He is taking me back into my pain and loss and I find myself seeing differently. God is taking me back, back to the 8 year old little girl; fatherless. Even though I love the Lord and strive to have a daily relationship with Him, He is slowly starting to show me this enormous barrier not only to Him but also to myself.

I am beginning to see that my problem is that I have tricked myself into thinking that I have fully accepted my fathers death, and that I don't blame God. When deep down a part of me still hates him. Now as I write this today, this is something the Lord is just starting to show me. I had no idea I was still refusing the loss of my father. But the eight year old little girl in me is still mad, still hurt, and still broken.

Revelation 1:18
“I hold the keys to hell and to death.”

God is showing me that He did take my father, I blame Him and He is guilty. But He is also showing me that if I honestly believe He is good, then I will believe that my father's death was good. Our response to life when things happen, either by man's doing or by satan's, is to believe that God is not really who He says He is, and to believe He isn't good. We will never have the ability to love a God that we believe by any measure will ever not be good, and has never been anything but good to us. We can't trust a God we don't believe is bigger than the pain.

If you know me on a pretty personal level you know that I am extremely hesitant to become close to any man, or a "father figure" and up until today I thought I was so scared something would happen to them just as it did my Dad. But I am realizing it's not the men, its not the fear. It is me not trusting God. It is me going back to the eight year old little girl, abandoned, and thinking God was the one who did it.

Now usually when I write, I have gone through a phase in life and overcome it, this isn't like that. This is process that God is just starting to lead me through. We all have our definition of what we think love is, but my prayer is that I realize the love God has for me is far greater than what I think it is. Because real love is exposing, and that's what the Lord is starting to do in my life. Expose. Not even to others, but first to my self.

Whatever comes into your life, if you will praise quickly, immediately, it is saying, “I believe that God is good and God is sovereign.”

The hardest thing we will ever do is not admit that God is real, or that God loves us for who we are. The hardest thing we will ever do is admit He is Sovereign.

So how do I get there?
I have to Surrender to HIS story that He is writing in my life, and then I have to repent of my belief's that I had, about who He is and what He has done.

"If God is good, my dad dying is good."

I am not there yet, and you might not be either. But that means one thing, God is coming for you; just like He is me and I WILL get there and so can you.

stop being normal.

In this day and age all any teenager wants to do is fit in. To be accepted by someone, anyone. To simply be normal.

Normal: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern.

Conform literally means to behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards. But why? Why do teenagers so desperately want to be normal? Why do we feel like we have to? Simple, we aren't letting the Lord tell us who we ARE, but we are letting the world tell us who we HAVE to be. I would love to tell you that I have never fallen into the trap of wanting to be "normal" but I can't. 

I wanted to be normal. I wanted to listen to what everyone else listened to, watch what everyone was watching. I wanted to fit it. But in order for me to fit in I had to conform to the things others were doing that I knew wasn't who I was. I am living the ideal senior year. I go in late. I leave early. I won homecoming queen. I have plenty of friends. But with all this comes a lot of attention, and with a lot of attention come the battle of pride. I struggled. I pushed away people who ultimately where the ones I really needed, and looking back on that I know that only reason I pushed them away is because they knew what I was doing and they would address it and I didn't want that. Now, not saying I went off the deep end. By no means did I go crazy, but I lost sight of what was important. I let it become all about "me" instead of all about "The." 

Christmas day, sitting at home I just realized the Son of God died on the cross for me and then sent the Holy Spirit to live in me, and I deserved none of it. That isn't normal. Ezekiel 36:26-27, the Lord says, “I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my ways.” If not being normal means having the holy spirit live in me, then so be it. If not being normal means having a heavenly Father protect/watch over me at all times, then so be it. Not being normal doesn't mean you don't fit in and you aren't accepted, it simply means you find your acceptance in the Lord.

It's not about me. It's not about what I want to do on the weekends. It's not about what people say about me. It's not about what people tell me what I am suppose to do. It's not about how many friends I have. It's not about how popular I am. It's all Jesus. It always has been and it always will be. Grace is Jesus. Love is Jesus. Forgiveness is Jesus. Acceptance is Jesus. It's all Jesus. Next time someone tells you that you aren't normal, smile and say, "I know." We weren't called to fit into the crowd, we were called to GO out into the crowd and that requires boldness and boldness requires standing out, not fitting in.

So yes, I wanted to be normal. I wanted to fit in. But now all I want is more of Jesus, and the more I have of Him the less normal I become, and I couldn't me more content with that. 

"Set a fire down in my soul, that I can't contain, that I can't control. I want more of you God."

Listen.

"'Cause I, I know You're there, I know You see me. You're the air I breathe. You are the ground beneath me. I know You're there, I know You hear me. I can find You anywhere." -Casting Crowns 


There are so many times that we feel that God is so far away. Is He really that far away, or are we choosing not to look/listen for Him?

God isn't just found in the beauty and the joy, but He is found in tragedy and in faces that are filled with grief. God can take the deepest sorrows and weave them into a pattern of good. Trust me, I have felt like God wasn't there. I have denied His presence. I have turned my back. But He was and always will be there. But I have learned, I cant let my circumstance define me, but I have to let my faith define my circumstance. Sometimes, it isn't about how we feel, but simply about the fact no matter what God is good. Not always can you change the circumstance you are in, but you can change your mindset. Instead of saying everything that is wrong, say everything that is right with our God.

Psalm 34:1 "I will praise the Lord at all times. I will constantly seek His praises."

There is ALWAYS a reason to praise God. Because God has already done more than you think He has, and God is going to do more you think He will. God is always going to get you through, because He has already been there and when you do get through you are going to realize, He never left. He was  always there.

When you finally focus on God and realize He is going to do more than you can imagine, you forget about what He hasn't done, and you focus on who He is. He is my God. He is my healer. He is the one who set me free. He is NEVER going to leave me. We don't just call him "father" for no reason. A father dries your tears, a father picks you up when you fall, a father loves you no matter where you are, a father carries you, and most of all a father will never leave His child.

Psalm 71:20-21, "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more."

When you feel like God isn't with you. Stop, and simply listen. Remember He is there.

Fear.

Inspired by the "believe" series at passion city church.


I know I haven't posted in a while. I haven't known what to write. I haven't thought of something that I thought was good enough to catch peoples eyes like the last couple things I have posted. However, I have come to realize that the past 2 weeks have been filled with so much fear. Fear of turning 18, fear of facing my senior homecoming. Fear of facing these 2 huge milestones in my life without my dad here.

Fear is completely dominating. Not only in my life these past 2 weeks, but in our world as a whole. However, what so many don't realize that our first response to things shouldn't be "I am scared" but simply "I believe in Jesus." Move away from an attitude of fear, and move towards and attitude of faith.

Fear: lack of confidence in yourself or others to control a situation, not having control.
Faith: Confidence in God to control all situations.

Sometimes people become discouraged because people look down on them for their faith, but when you think about it everyone has faith just in different things. I know things don't always go the way we think they should. But we have to remember that God made a universe out of nothing, He can take any circumstance and make it into something. Circumstances don't change who we are, they don't define us, they simply bring out who we really are. We walk into church, we raise our hands in praise, we sing every word to the songs but when one thing goes wrong we put our hands down, we stop singing. My prayer for myself lately has been that I keep my hand up, I keep singing, no matter the circumstance. I run to faith instead of running towards fear. But how do you that? Simple, remember the faithfulness of God and all He has already done in your life. Root yourself in faith. Numbers 13 tells the story of God telling Moses to send men to Canaan to scope out the land. The men go and come back with the report that this land is everything that God said it would be but the people living there are powerful and it wouldn't be worth it. But Joshua, son of Nun and Caleb, when he saw the army he simply remembered what he had seen in the tent, Exodus 33:7-11. He remembered God, and was not afraid.

In Exodus 3, God commands Moses to go to Egypt, and Moses first reaction was fear. Exodus 3:11,"Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt." Fear is normal, and we all face it. Some on a day to day basis, but God gives us the answer to fear just as He gave it to Moses in Exodus 3:12, "I will be with you." Things aren't always easy, fear does come, but the answer is simple; God will be with you.

I know sometimes we feel like we can't see God, and we feel like He is hidden, but that doesn't mean we can say there is no God, we have to remember how many times we have seen Him before.

With fear comes worry. Worry in scripture is the same thing in our time what we would call anxiety. Worry literally means to divide. So when someone says, "I am falling apart," thats where the meaning of worry comes from. Anxiety is real, and its a big deal. But we serve a God who is bigger. Jesus is bigger than the darkness, light will break through. Mark 9 tells the story of a father who has a son who is possessed, in verse 27 however victory comes and Jesus lifts the boy to his feet. This is a perfect picture of what Jesus will always do with us. No matter where we are, victory will come, light will break the darkness, and God will put us back on our feet. He is not just God, but He is your God, He is my God.

I have learned that a big part of being free from worry and fear is humility. When you are humbled you realize you are not in charge and you are simply living in the grace and power of God. You don't worry about what is going to happen, because you know who holds the plans to your future. When we try to run things because we think nothing is going right, thats when we have to humble ourself and remember that His plans are greater than ours, and nobody but Him can run our life in a better way.

The Lord is near. What is there to be anxious about?

Don't mistake if God isn't handling things the way you think they should, remember the Lord is near to you.

So yes, I am still afraid to face this week with how much is going on. But I am constantly reminding myself that I believe in Jesus, and He is near to me.

"I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always by my side."

Walking across that field friday I am going to have a brother on both arms, and I am going to remember that I know who goes before me, and I know who is standing behind me; the God of angel armies. He will be near to me, and I need not fear.

Today remember who goes before you and who stands behind. Humble yourself by knowing who is control of your life. Hold on to the promise that He is with you.

Isaiah 41:10
DONT FEAR.

Ruth.

The story of Ruth is compacted with heart ache, love, and most of all commitment. 

Ruth 1:16 "But Ruth replied, Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God."

As a kid, growing up I had heard the story of Ruth a million times. About how this Moab woman left everything and committed to taking care of her mother. But over the summer I was given a book on the study of Ruth and my eyes and heart have been revealed to how much there is to the story of Ruth. Yes, Ruth is protagonist, but like all stories she isn't the only character. The book starts off with Elimelek and his wife Naomi. They had two sons Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, also commonly know as God's chosen people. But when a famine struck, Elimelek packed up his family and went to the country of Moab where the harvest was plentiful. At first, I thought nothing about this, they needed food so they went where they knew it was. But after reading Genesis 19:30-38 and discovering the origin of the Moab nation, I soon came to realized this was far from not being a big deal. In this passage of scripture Lot's daughters are talking back and forth about how there is not man for them to marry, so out of desperation they decide to get their father drunk and sleep with him. The oldest daughter later conceived a son by her father and named him Moab. 

So, a family packs up and leaves God's people and goes to where the harvest is. Do you ever find yourself doing that. Packing up and walking away from what you know is right just to go where something is easy. What is right is not always what is easy. I am guilty of this without a doubt. I think sometimes I get caught up in the fact that over on one side everything seems to be all together, and I run from where God has called me. I run from where I have been placed in life. No, my life hasn't been easy, and I have faced trials of every kind and I have tried to run, but every time I always come to realize where I am is where God wants me to be. What will I choose as my life goes on and I am encountered with more and more situation. Stay in the land of God's choosing or flee to the bountiful one? 

Dueteronomy 23:3 "No Ammonite or Moabite or any of their descendants may enter the assembly of the Lord, not even in the tenth generation." Scripture clearly tells us no Moab was to be included in the assembly of the Lord's people, so Elimelek went against what he knew and took his family to Moab, and even more than that had arranged marriages for his sons with Moabite women. Elimelek soon dies after arriving in Moab, and his two sons follow after. So now you have Naomi widowed, Orpah widowed, and Ruth widowed. With nothing left, Naomi and her two daughter-in-laws pack up to go back to Bethlehem. Ruth 1:6-7 tells us that Naomi returns to Bethlehem because there was a harvest again. This is a prime example of turning back to God out of desperation. When things go right its so much easier to seek the Lord. But we aren't called to seek the Lord only when there is a harvest, we are called to seek the Lord all the day long. Thankfully God purses us even we are in a far of place. Naomi returned for food but the Lord drew her back in. No matter where I am or where you are, chasing God or not chasing God, there is always a seat at the table for anyone willing to return. 

Ruth goes with her mother. A heart I pray the Lord can give me for Him. To go where He goes, to love who He loves, and for His people to be my people. But their is another sister in this story. Orpah, at first she denied Naomi's request to leave, but later agrees. Don't be an Orpah who made the right decision at first but couldn't hang after further persuasions. Be a Ruth. Sometimes we think obedience is a one time thing, but it's an everyday choice. We can't last if our motivation is based on anything but our relationship with God. If I don't base my motivation on God, I might be able to resist once or twice like Orpah, but only a love for God will sustain a long-term commitment to obedience. If we aren't committed to God it's easy to to justify our actions or lack of disobedience. 

One thing I think so many people miss from this story is the great loss Naomi faces. She loses both her sons, and her husband. Naomi isn't hesitant to admit that she is angry with God and blames Him. She states three times is Ruth 1:20-21 that she accuses God of her heart ache. So often are we scared to be honest with the fact, we are mad at God. But why? Do we not think that the one who conquered the grave can handle someone being mad. Do we forget that even if we don't admit we are mad to anyone, He knows. I will admit it, I have been mad at God and sometimes find myself still mad at Him for taking my father, but He still loves me with a love that is unfathomable. Don't be afraid to be mad at God, and don't be afraid to tell Him. Naomi, who was part of God's chosen family, felt forsaken by God, and when we are honest we have all felt like Naomi before, and it's okay. Tell Him, because when you do He is the one who is going to come and rescue from the anger and from the pain. No one else, Him. He did it with me, and He can do it with you. Don't ever doubt that. 

Ruth 1:14, "at this they wept aloud again," although there was weeping, the direction in which they wept is what truly matters. Ruth and Naomi wept, but they wept forward. They kept going. In their tears they kept walking. Sometimes our only choice is to move forward because staying where we are is so difficult, but going back is even harder. Even if you are in a season of weeping you can move forward. God sees your tears. Cry them, wipe them, feel them, but don't let them stop you. It's possible to cry and walk at the same time. Because when we can't walk and all we can do is cry, thats when we let our savior carry us. 

Do we fear coming unleashed like Naomi? Both Job and Naomi were real with God and addressed with God their feelings. We are so afraid to deal with things because we don't know the outcome. God doesn't want us to know all the right answers, or the outcome. But what He does want is our heart, even if it is a little explosive like Naomi's. 

I am afraid.

Afraid of how I feel.

Afraid of emotions.

Afraid of pain.

Afraid of crying.

Afraid of honesty.

Afraid of admitting.

I am afraid to let myself not be okay.

But through the story of Naomi I have realized; It's okay to not be okay.

Camp Friends.

I am beyond blessed to have the honor to be able to sit here and broadcast the ministry of a girl I call not only one of my best friend but my sister has had a passion to start.

     

    God knew what He was doing when He allowed me Mary-Michael's paths to cross at Camp Winshape 7 years ago. Who would have ever though that being in the same cabin for two weeks with someone would eventually turn into a life long friendship. Following camp she ended up being one of my sister's students, which I find so funny but at the same time a huge God wink. This girl is incredibly talented is every aspect of life. She has an undeniable passion for the Lord, a voice that touches your heart, the gift of of inspiration through the song, and most of all the ability to be the best friend someone could ask for. A friend that listens to your stupid boy problems. A friend that doesn't sit with you while you cry, but instead cries with you because when you hurt she hurts. A friend that texts you all day long at school about the most random things ever. A friend that is a without a doubt someone God placed in my life because He knew I would need her along the way of the twist and turns of life. 

    Unite for Uniforms is a organization that she started last year after a life changing trip to Kenya. The purpose of this movement is to gives kids in Kenya a chance. A chance to succeed, a chance to go to school, a chance to get an education, and to ultimately pursue a relationship with Christ. However, in Kenya kids can't attend school without a uniform and with poverty being so prevalent, some families can't afford something as simple as a uniform that cost all of $5. So Mary-Michael has started this organization to raise money to send over to Kenya to help provide uniforms for these kids. Recently, news has returned that through the work and passion of teenage girl who went on a trip, came home and had a passion placed on her heart and did something about and started this ministry, 53 kids are now enrolled at school and not wandering the streets of Kenya with the possibilities of human trafficking or slavery being around every corner.

   

So help me in supporting Mary-Michael, and in supporting these kids in Kenya who so desperately need our help. 

UNITE. Because when we come together, we can make a difference. 

Check out the website and get involved:

http://uniteforuniforms.webs.com

Prodigal.

Luke 15: The audience of his story is not church members, but the worse of worse, but think they are the best of the best.

     In the stories of Luke chapter 15, Jesus is telling 3 stories: the story of the lost coin, the lost sheep, and the lost son. In each story there is something that launches a search party and something that launches a celebration, but what we sometimes don't realize there is a party/celebration in every story Jesus tells. The most popular of the 3 stories, is the lost son, otherwise known as the "prodigal son."  But what most don't know that the word prodigal actually means "extravagant" or "lavish" and nothing about either of the sons in this story are that, but the father is the extravagant one, the father is the one who lavishly loves and forgives. 

     For me, this story shouldn't even be called the "lost son" but instead the "lost sons" because in this story there are two sons that are lost, but one might just not realize it. One son, goes out and had to come to point of admitting he was at rock bottom, but admitting was nothing more than getting up and and simply going home to where his father was. The son left and ended up in disaster, but today we are all in the same boat one choice away from finding ourself in a disaster. It comes down to one word; temptation. Temptation comes from the fact we are insecure of who we are and whose we are. The enemy is continuously cropping out the disaster that some choices will lead to and all you see is the paradise that he tricks you into thinking you are going to find. You have to widened your view. You might ask now, "well how do I widened my view without having to find disaster first?" in other words how can I find out who I am by not leaving the house first like the son did in Luke 15. There is an answer, shocking I know. It was to me at first as well. But you say no to temptation, but at the same time you say yes to God. If you just say no to temptation, that wont cut it. You have to to say no and say yes to God, by doing that you are bringing the power or the Holy Spirit into your life. The response to temptation isn't no, it's throwing your arms out and letting your father hold you. 

     In this story, the son's journey started in the house, but he wandered off. But what I have come to realize, My God will come and run to me wherever I am. You don't have to leave the house for Him to come and meet you. He will come and meet you where you are right now. I think the picture of the son returning home and the father literally sprinting to meet him is a beautiful illustration of what our heavenly father does for us. I imagine God sitting up in heaven looking and waiting for His children to come home, and when they do, He runs and rejoices and says, "My child has returned." I have a father that loves me so much that He will run to meet me if I leave the house, and He will run to meet me if I am in the house. You can always, just go home.  

     He doesn't give up on us, He gives up for us. The 2 sons represent two groups, but they both get the same message, the same gospel. One group is the people who thing they are way to far out, way to far from home, and the other is those of us who think we are already close enough, and have it all figured out.  In reality we are all woven out of a broken humanity. Both sons were in the same situation, they needed an unconditional love from their father, and neither of them were finding it. While one son went out and looked for it, the other stayed home and tried to work for it. Both sons were missing the reality of who they were and whose they were. Both sons had a speech the tried to give to their father. The first one being an apology by the son who wandered off. The other being the son who stayed at home and didn't understand why his father was rejoicing so much over the his brother who had wrecked his life. Luke 15:29 "Look what I have done" the son pleads to the fact that he has never messed up, he has been nothing but loyal to his father and he gets nothing in return. This is a prime example that it is NEVER about what you have or haven't done, but it's all about what God has done. 

     I was the second son. I was the one who didn't understand how my brothers and sisters could go so far gone and come back and get so much praise. I didn't understand why no one was praising me when I never left. I never did anything wrong. I stayed at home. I didn't leave. But what I have come to realized I can't live my life on a "do" basis but a "whose" basis. I can't live my life in the attitude of I did this and not that, because it isn't about that. Because at the end of the day, wether I left the house or I am still here, I am no different. Titus 3:3-5, "At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy." In the end of this story the father runs out to meet both of his sons, just as our heavenly father does and continues to do. I shouldn't have been caught up in myself and worrying about what I wasn't receiving, I should have been running along side the father and going out to those who have gone astray and and reminding them who they are; loved children of God. 

     So yes, I was the second son. I might not have wandered off, but I wasn't any better than the one who did because I was living in selfish attitude, and wasn't rejoicing when someone returned, and I wasn't realizing who I was. But God has humbled my heart. I now realize I am in just as much need for someone to run and meet me when I am in the house, as the person who isn't in the house. 

     You don't have to know how to make it back, you just have to know how to look up. Your father will come and meet you wherever you are. You can never be to far gone, and you can never be close enough to where He can't come meet you. He will come, and He will sprint to you and rejoice in your return. You are His child, and He wants to come meet you, and He wants you to come home. Don't just keep running, don't just keep wandering, don't keep thinking you are close enough. Go home, and let your Father take you in His arms and show you who you are and whose you are. You are God-designed, purpose intended, significant, lavishly loved, princess/prince, son/daughter of the King of the Universe.