Freedom.

Taking a little different approach to this blog post.... poetry.


The night was cold and dark,

The wind was wailing like a broken road.

She was quiet like winter,

and snow fell silently.

Behind her was the past,

made of chains, blood, and scars.

Thicker than the evil,

That put thousands in living death.

She couldn't stop the fear that

stings her even though she moved further

And further from the bondage that held her.

She wasn't okay,

but she pretended.

Because pretending use to be her only safety. 

She was a slave,

maybe I am to?

The past is behind me,

but the reminders are still constant.

Will He come for me,

like He came for her?

The day is warm and certain.

The wind is gentle and cooling,

I become alive when you breathe into me,

And the shackles of sin have been left behind.

You have rescued me.

Jesus doesn't care what your past is. He doesn't care about the chains that once held you captive. He doesn't care how broken the road you are traveling on is. He doesn't care about the fear you face with the idea of moving forward. He knows you are just pretending to be okay when you really aren't. He comes for you anyway. He breathes into you and the baggage falls to the ground. You become alive. He rescues you.

Dip, Cigarettes, and Jesus.

Addiction is no stranger to me. Although I have not dealt with it personally, I have come as close as you can get without actually tasting it. I have seen numerous family members, friends who have family members, and in some cases even some friends fall into it and then watch their fight to beat it begin. But the more and more I have witnessed this fight, the more my perspective has been altered.

We are so quick to judge. So quick to get angry, trust me I am guilty more than you will ever know. But Jesus is teaching me now that as Christians we are always so quick to give the answers to escape it, but sometimes that doesn't cut it.  The simple phrase, "Christ is enough," seems to solve all of life's problems. 

This phrase has become the banner of the church and the christian life.  We think this phrase will fuel a growing conviction and ultimately provide the finding everything you/we need is in Jesus and will increase someones joy and destroy the sin addictions.  But I have learned, it isn't quite that simple. 

Here’s the problem, it is absolutely true, but ultimately the saying "Christ is enough," is just a summary.  

Summary: a brief statement or account of the main points of something.

It skims over the process of how you get from point A to point B.  Saying “Christ is enough” is often used when it comes to addiction. Struggle with materialism?  Christ is enough.  Can’t stop looking at porn?  He satisfies.  Have a problem with dipping?  God is all you need.  I absolutely believe that finding satisfaction in Christ is the answer for any of our addictions.  But simply telling someone that God is all they need without showing them how to find that satisfaction does about as much good as saying nothing.  

I’ve often seen the whole “God is enough” thing illustrated in sermons by setting up two tables.  On one table is a burger, fries, and drink from McDonalds.  The other table has a feast on it.  The McDonalds combo is that sin you keep turning back to.  The feast is what Christ offers.  It would be dumb to run to the McDonalds table for something that is way less than what is on the other table. But here is the problem whether you choose the McDonalds combo or Jesus you are still satisfying the same craving, which in this case is hunger.

So yes Jesus is more than enough but these things people turn to will satisfy them, just as the McDonalds meal will, just not as much as the feast would.

I hope you see where I am going with this...

We can't just say, "Christ is enough," and expect them to instantly choose Jesus over that cigarette or the beer. We have to show them. Wanna know how to do that: you let your life reflect it.

It doesn't make you less spiritual than anyone else because you smoke, or because you dip. By no means am I saying it is our job to get someone to stop doing what they are doing. What I am saying is it our job to encourage them and let the fact Jesus does satisfy speak not only from our mouths but from our lives.

It means absolutely nothing if we tell someone something and then don't let them see how it applies in our own life.

So today Jesus, let us love people no matter where they are at. Let us not try to tell them all the answers. Let us just point them to you. Let us be addicted to you.

Dream On.

My mom encouraged my to read the book, The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch. I willingly agreed, not planning on actually doing it. But today I read the book, the entire book.

The title of the book explains just what the whole book is about: a last lecture. A lot of professors give talks titled "The Last Lecture." Professors are asked to consider what matters most to them and before finishing their season of life that involves teaching they give their last lecture spitting out tad bits of wisdom.

But Randy's last lecture is literally is his last lecture. He is fighting pancreatic cancer, the same cancer my dad had, so you can imagine I was a blubbering mess while I read the book. But Randy does something unique, and heartfelt. He dedicates his last lecture to teaching life lessons to his kids that he won't ever get the chance to teach them. So one day when they look back they can still learn from their father. Like I said I cried the whole book. I highly highly encourage you to read the book. But one of the main ideas is Randy encouraging his kids to accomplish their dreams. Because when you strive to live a life where you accomplish your wildest dreams you are truly living.

But this book got me thinking. What are my dreams? Am I chasing them?

When the time comes for me to step out of earth and into eternity, and my loved ones silently wish for me to live, I want to to reply to their silent request and say,"I already did."

You see I wanna dream. I wanna chase my dream. I wanna really live.

You never know when the doctor will come into the waiting room and tell you that you have terminal cancer, Randy didn't. But he lived his life in a way that it didn't matter if the news came or not... He dreamed. He lived.

The question now is not can you dream, everyone can dream, but do you have the courage to act upon it? Do you have the courage to chase it? .

The Children of Israel dreamed of living in the Promised Land, but the only way to get there was through the wilderness. You will not be able to trust God for the fruition of your Dream, until you see His faithfulness in the process. But as the people walked through the wilderness, chasing their dream, they learned.

That's the beautiful part about dreaming. Even if you never accomplish what you are seeking what you learn along the way will benefit you just as much.

Numbers 13:2-3 
The Lord spoke to Moses: “Send men to scout out the land of Canaan I am giving to the Israelites. Send one man who is a leader among them from each of their ancestral tribes.” Moses sent them from the Wilderness of Paran at the Lord’s command. All the men were leaders in Israel. 

The men Moses sent out to scout the land most likely were not that excited about going, probably a little scared. But they went, they chased their dream dispite the discomfort. 

If your dream does not stretch you to the point of discomfort, it isn't big enough, fear is standing in the way

Little dreams lead to little service, but big dreams can lead to big service, so ask yourself, "How big is my dream?"

So today take a step with me. Start dreaming a dream and start chasing it. Let's truly live.

Put Down the Phone.

"Put your phone up for 2 seconds." -Mom
"Mom, I am not always on it (lying) you just always see me when I am." -me

Last night I spent the night at a families house so the mom could sleep in, therefore I was in charge of taking the kids to school. First, these kids wake up dang early. Rolled over looked at the clock, 5:45, and all 3 of them were up and ready to start the day. I slowly got out of bed, turned the tv on for the kids and went and sat in the other room. First thing I did... started looking at my phone. It is 5:45 in the morning nobody was tweeting, posting pictures on instagram, snap-chatting, or even posting facebook status. But yet I still ended up on my phone for a solid 15 minutes... and then it hit me: serious conviction.

The house is so quiet, still, and there is absolutely nothing to look at on my phone but I am still choosing to be on it...

Why?

Why wasn't my first thought to make use of the quiet and stillness and breathe in the start of a new day and start leaning into what Jesus had in store for me over the next 24 hours.

You can deny it all you want, but today almost every single one of us spend more time on our phone then we do anything else, and honestly that is completely pathetic.

So, I put down my phone, then realized we had lots of time before school and decided to load the kids up and take them to breakfast. When they were finish eating we still had about 20 minutes before we needed to leave, so I told them they could go play on the playground. Instead of me scrolling through twitter, again, I watched the kids play, and the reaction they showed to me watching them is/was such a beautiful picture of what Jesus wants from us.

Their faces lit up with joy and smiles as they looked out and saw me watching, and then they busted out in their best dance moves from behind the glass. They just died laughing and kept waving at me making sure I was still paying attention.

That is it people.

Jesus just wants our attention. He wants us to put down the phone, and look up and watch everything that He is doing, but He doesn't want to have to keep waving to make sure we are paying attention.

Now I am not saying everyone needs to fast from social media and to only spend 10 minutes a day on your phone, not at all. What I am saying is don't miss out on the little things in life because you are to busy starring at a screen. Yes, through social media we have a sneak peak into the lives of those we follow, but if we become so concerned about what everyone else is doing, we miss our own life.

Jesus has placed you where you are for a purpose, and I am 100% positive your purpose isn't to sit and stare at your smart phone. Make you goal for Jesus to stop waving at you because you are already paying attention.

So today, I am choosing fix my eyes on Jesus and not on my iphone.

Love like a movie.

Being a 7th grade small group leader, there is one thing on most of my girls minds: boys. 

Twice this week I have sat down with older girls and the conversation always gets back to one thing: I just wanna be in love.

Anytime I have a conversation about this topic it usually leads to the same thing.... a love like the movies.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good chick flick, and I am famous for always wanting to see the the new Nicholas Sparks movie, but the more and more these conversations kept happening the more and more I kept asking myself, "why do we want what's in the movie?"

The Avett Brothers said it perfectly: So you want to be in love like the movies? But in the movies they're not in love at all. And with a twinkle in their eyes, they're just saying their lines. So we can't be in love like the movies. Now in the movies they make it look so perfect. And in the background they're always playing the right song. And in the ending there's always a resolution. But real life is more than just two hours long.

girls: 

wake up call. 

-a guy isn't gonna walk across the United States because he found your picture in Iraq and thinks you are his guardian angel. [the lucky one]

I'm gonna step on some peoples toes here with this one, but oh well. It kills me when I see tweets about how girls want this "love like a movie," but then are "talking" to a guy who won't even hold the door open for her. You want a guy to love you the way Jack loves Rose in the titanic, then talk to a guy that knows how to respect you enough to even open the door to a restaurant. 

Love is so much more than someone writing letters to you for 365 days [the notebook], kissing you in the rain [dear john], or running off the football field out into the bleachers to find you [a Cinderella story].

Yeah all those things are great and what every girl dreams of, but when I think about falling in love, and finding my husband, I can say with everything in me.... I don't want a love like in the movies.

I don't want someone to love me for the way I look, for the way I dress, for what size jeans I wear, or for how I act. I want someone to love me for the way I love Jesus. 

I don't wanna stay up late having him tell me how perfect I am so I feel good about myself. I wanna stay up late and have him constantly reminding me who Christ says I am. But I also wanna be strong enough in my faith that I know who Jesus says I am, and I allow him to love every part of me. When you get to that point then you open up the door for someone else to step in and love you. 

I don't wanna talk for hours on the phone about nothing, I wanna talk for hours on the phone about how absolutely blown away we both are at what Jesus in doing in our lives.

Because I know if someone is in love with you because of the way you love Jesus, your love for each other will surpass anything you could see in a movie, and I know when someone falls in love for your heart they absolutely adore every other part of you. 

So girls, next time you fantasize over the latest chick flick coming out stop and ask yourself what you really want your love story to be.

Then you come to a point where you know what you want in a man, and what Jesus has been doing in me is showing me everything I want my husband to be to me: an encourager, a listener, a safe place.... I have to be right back to him.

So tonight instead of praying: Jesus bring me my husband. How about praying Jesus turns you into the woman your husband wants/needs you to be for him. 

I would trade inside jokes over 365 letters any day. Why? cause it's unique. 

When you allow Jesus to write your love story, everything about it is unique, and way better than anything you see in the movies.

[Proverbs 31:10] 

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

That is what you want. Someone to say you are far more precious than jewels. 

So Jesus, don't give us a love like in the movies. Give us someone who is in love with the way we love you. 

Thursday is coming.

I will remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord. {psalm 27:13}

Today I looked back through some old journals to try to find things that I had written in the past as Novemeber 21 has come and gone, and honestly I couldn't find one thing. November 20, November 22, but never the 21. I guess I always try to escape it, try not to even think about it. If you don't know November 21 is the day my daddy passed away. But this year, I am writing. Because this year I have seen the goodness of the Lord.

I don't think I can explain this year in a way that would do it justice, but I know I can sum it up: Jesus is forever faithful.

Ashes to beauty has been the hope my hands have been gripped around the past couple months just as I have walked through some things, and today as I am leaning into Jesus with everything I got, I am realizing that there has always been beauty in the middle of every circumstance but it takes a journey to get us to a place where we are able to see the beauty. When you see the beauty you find the healing.

This year I have seen the beauty and I have found the healing.

Jesus so specifically puts the details of our lives together that even the hardest days will all be pieced together to form something so beautiful, and when we see them pieced together, we stand in awe of who He is. This year I feel like I have seen some of those hards days be pieced together, and it makes me go back to the simple phrase: This is why.

You read the blog, you came to church that day, you watched the podcast, or you see my millions of instagram pictures with the kids. But with November 21 coming closer, I am blown away all over again of how Jesus has brought a family into my life that has changed me forever. (if you haven't seen/heard the story you can check it out at, passioncitychurch.com/watch, the title is: available.)

But what you haven't seen is the days that followed generosity Sunday. The carpool lines, the football games, the many nights of mac and cheese, the laughs, the fits, the hugs, the carrying of booster seats, the singing of christmas songs in front of the fire, the late night talks after the kids go to bed... The relationship that has been formed, and the bond that has been made that I believe will never be broken. I have seen the rocky mountains and the oceans but nothing will ever be as beautiful as the way Jesus has orchestrated my life to cross paths with the Pray family. 

So let me be the first to proclaim over your life that nothing you walk through will ever be meaningless and I have learned this more this year than I have ever have.

I have seen the ashes turn to beauty.

I think about this past year and the people Jesus has surrounded me with and tears are the only thing that can express the gratitude I have for so many of you that didn't even know me this time last year but have stepped into my life and loved me like you have known me for years.

And then I think about the future and I get chills. I see the text messages going back and forth about boy advice. I see the trips to the mall. I see me picking up that same little girl, all grown up, and can hear the words so clearly coming out of her mouth of her story of when she realized: this is why.  

So this year I write, and this week I celebrate because Jesus is faithful, my father is cancer free, more alive then he has ever been, and because healing is real and it comes. Believe it. 

This week:

We remember a father.

We remember a husband.

We remember a son.

We remember a brother.

We remember a friend.

But this week I remember not one life but two.

One life that was directly involved in mine. A man that loved me as any father should love their daughter. A man that watched me take my first steps, heard my say my first words, and showed me the above all else Jesus is the most important thing. 

Another man that I never got to meet, but in a strange way feel like I knew for years. I see him in the smiling faces of his children. I feel the overflow of the way he loved people by the way his wife has loved me. 

There aren't many words that can measure up. But the lives of these two men could never be put into words. 

Today, I believe in the promise of heaven more than I ever have.

So we remember.

We remember and we never forgot.

11.21.02

11.21.12

Constant.

{psalm 48:14}
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end.

constant: occurring continuously over time a period of time. 

His love is constant: continuing

His mercy is constant: continuing

His grace is constant: continuing

[He is constant]

If every part of Jesus is constant and never changing, the healing hands He provides on our life are never taken off of us. So even when we feel like a new wound has been ripped open His constant healing is being provided and taken place.  So we have hope, we have hope because Jesus is working even when we are blinded by other things.

Jesus, take us to a place where our confidence is in the fact every part of you is constant.