Roadblocks

I have hit some roadblocks these last couple months. Some are roadblocks that I placed myself and some satan did, but I think sometimes satan gets a little to much credit. We like to blame him for a lot of things that really are not his doing, but our own.

Roadblock #1

Fear

I had a friend tell me the other day, “Adria you are like the most spiritual person I know. You always know what to say and you like know the bible.” Side note: classic girl, using the word “like” a million times in a sentence.

I have created this expectation on myself to be this never ending well of wisdom that always has the right answer, and I have created this expectation of myself to be the “perfect” Christian, but from that the fear of struggling has taken root in my heart and silence has been the water that has allowed it to flourish.

What was/is so convicting to me is that in the past I would freely write about the pain and struggles running through my family, because I knew it is what people related the most to. The ability to relate to someone’s struggles is what builds your ministry. But when it comes to my person struggles, no way, that is off limits.

What will people think of me?

Will they question if I really love Jesus?

Will they still think I am wise?
Will they think I am a failure?

Fear.

But I did not want to be like the leaders that were full of belief but never said anything because, “when push came to shove they cared more about human approval than God’s glory.”  (John 12:43)

The thing about fear it has never gotten anyone anywhere. I have been praying that God would give me the words and then I would step out in faith and write them down, but God wanted me to step out in faith first, then He would give me the words. Sometimes faith just looks like willingness. Today I finally became willing, and what do you know the words started unfolding.

Roadblock #2

Shame

Another thing about fear is that it manifests and births into so many other things in us. I think some of us are naive to think we deal with shame, I was, but I have learned, silence speaks shame. My unwillingness to come to this blank page and write these things down said shame louder than anything else.

Roadblock #3

Loneliness

Being a stay at home college student is HARD. My instagram does a good job of creating a facade that loneliness is the farthest thing from what I am, but that is just me operating out of that fear and shame and doing whatever I can to mask that struggle.

Let me clarify I have friends, plenty, and they are all amazing, but they are also all scattered all over the place in different colleges so a lot of times the quietness turns into a loud anthem of lies of loneliness. But I also have not been willing to try to build new community with people around me, until this week. Praise the Lord for community groups at church and the amazing group of girls I met.

I am not alone. I never have been, but that does not mean I have not struggled with the thought that I am.

Roadblock #4

Striving

This is the biggest one right now.

I was texting back and forth with a mentor of mine this week about how I do not know how to operate when I do not have a to-do list or a million things planned. She reminded me that I was asking God for a “doing” attitude and not a “being” attitude.

She said, “you can still be (rest, rely on, abide) while you’re busy doing Kingdom things, so it’s not all or nothing. But it all starts from coming from a place of just being a daughter of God.”

Romans 8:19

“For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.”

To be a child of God is the sweetest place to live from, all of creation has acknowledged that by waiting to see who made the list. Good news, we all made the list if we chose we want to be on the list.

I felt like I was failing because I was not scheduled out and following that schedule, but that is not the case at all. I have also seen just in this week alone that more refining has happened than it has in a long time, and that is because I had the space and the quietness to hear and see.

Because I am just now learning how to operate from that place of being and not doing, I strive.

I have struggled the past couple months with my weight, not because I do not think I am beautiful or because I am insecure, but simply because struggling with my weight gives me something to strive for. What is my goal this week? How many miles can I run today? Striving. Striving. Striving. The more we strive the more focused we become on ourselves.

Trust me when I say that this post is one of the hardest ones I have ever had to write, it is not an easy task to put your flaws out there for the world to see, but I think of Lazarus. Lazarus was dead, I don’t think there is a greater struggle you can reach than that. We know the story; Jesus brought him back to life, etc.  But what we/ I miss is that people came from near and far to see what Jesus had done. They wanted to see how Jesus took Lazarus struggle and breathed new life into him. From that people believed, so many people believed to the point the Chief priest wanted Lazarus dead. He was a threat to Satan.

John 12:9-11

"Meanwhile a large crowd of Jews found out that Jesus was there and came, not only because of him but also to see Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well, for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and believing in him."

I want to be like Lazarus. I want to write and tell about my struggles so that people can see how Jesus breathed new life into me. I want people to believe in Jesus because they have seen how by Him and Him alone I have been able to push the gas pedal and drive through the roadblocks. I want to be a threat to Satan.

I was out running today and had this epiphany.

Hebrews 12:1

"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith."

When running a race, most of the time you are always trying to do something. Whether it is run the whole time, set a PR, or even to win. You are striving. But with Jesus, the race He wants us to run, we start off as already being the winners. There is nothing we have to strive for. Run from a place of knowing you are already crowned with victory, you do not have to do anything to make it onto to the podium. You do not have to strive; you just have to know that you are already a winner.

I will not tell you that overnight I have driven through the roadblocks, but I am getting there. I am driving a little faster, and becoming not so willing to pump the breaks.

Friends, no matter how good anyone’s life looks, they too have something they are struggling with. Be encouraged by that. Nobody is perfect, and you do not have to be either. By admitting you are a mess it gives the Potter the chance to take the sloppy piece of clay and spin it into the masterpiece He is longing for it to be.

Be a Lazarus. Let your struggles point people to Jesus. Give yourself the freedom to be a mess.

Still learning, but still driving.

xoxo,

A messy piece of clay that is resting in the hands of the Potter

An Open Thank You Letter to Sadie Robertson: For Every Teenage Girl

Whether we want to admit it or not, when we were teenagers, in high school, we always had that person in the "spotlight" that we looked up to. We stalked them on google, or now on instagram.  But I think as the years go by teenagers are becoming more and more obsessed with this idea. Girls are not just trying to be "like" someone, they are trying to be them.

With the ever changing society, the standards girls are trying to meet are becoming more and more unrealistic. They scroll through instagram and measure themselves by how many followers they have or by how closely they are resembling Kylie Jenner. (Disclaimer: I have nothing against Kylie Jenner). Girls have adopted this idea that to be seen is everything. They look to the people that are seen greatly, celebrities, and they slowly begin to take off the layers and try to remake themselves to fit what the world deems acceptable.

Over Christmas break I had a sleepover with the group of girls I did a bible study with last year. They had just finished their first semester of college and I was so excited to see how they were all doing. I asked them the question, "what has been the greatest struggle since starting college?

The answers varied but the common thread pulled throughout was drinking. But what I found so interesting is that the ones that were struggling with it admitted that they found no enjoyment in it. So I asked them why.

With eyes full of tears, a 19 year old looked at me and said, "because it's what everyone else does."

That's it.

Everyone else does it.

We want to be like everyone, because that gives us an excuse to not find ourselves.

We want to be seen but we don't want to be known.

We want to blend in and not stand out.

When Adam and Eve realized they were naked in the garden it was them realizing they were vulnerable, so they hid. This is exactly what we do. In our brokenness, in our sin, in our fear, when it comes to showing our true selves, we grab the fig leaves and hide.

"Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves." Genesis 3:7

Girls, you don't have to be like anybody else. You don't have to look just like the girl on the cover of the magazine. You don't have to spend a summer in Africa doing mission work. You don't have to be in a relationship. Just be you, it's exactly what the world needs.

Put down the fig leaves, and let yourself be really seen. Every insecurity. Every doubt. Every mistake. Every Fear. Jesus, wants to see it.

We have it all backwards. It is not about just being seen. It's about being known. Maybe you aren't a spiritual person, in that case, Jesus aside, the world can never know you if you don't allow them to see YOU.

The real you.
Not the you who is trying to be just like everyone else.

Sadie Robertson says it best, "live original."

Original: created directly and personally by a particular artist; not a copy or imitation:

When I was in high school I wish I had someone like Sadie Robertson to look up to. Not afraid to stand out, she operates with simplicity and modesty staying true to who she is, and what she believes. With a million eyes watching, she dares to be different.

I know, sometimes we hold back because we fear what people will think. What will your friends say? How will they respond? Be encouraged by Sadie who does it knowing that the whole world is watching.

You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.

Sadie, thank you. Thank you for standing up. Thank you for being a beacon of light for young girls to look to. Thank you for making the message of your life first and foremost Jesus, but also to live original.

Today, remember that you don't have to be like anyone else. Put the layers back on. Be you.

Be someone that in the years to come is someone that a teenage girl can look up to. You could be the next Sadie Robertson But you have to be willing to just be you. You have to have the courage to say no to this idea of imitation.

I don't care what the world says, you have the freedom to be exactly who you are.

Coming Soon

Last year I had the incredible privilege of leading a group of senior girls in a ten-week bible study.  Going in I had no idea what to expect, and to be honest I had no idea what I was even doing, but I went for it. Those nights, in a little cabin, exceeded anything I could have ever been able to imagine. Some nights consisted of pushing these girls way outside of their comfort zones, and some nights consisted of pushing myself way outside my own comfort zone. But one thing was for sure, every week all of us walked away changed.

But one night specifically changed me forever, and as I look back on it now, it was in that moment that a little dream was starting to grow in my heart.

I was doing a spend the night babysitting gig one Sunday when I got a text that one of the girls in our group had just found out her mom had passed away from alcoholism. Words fall short in those moments but I sent her a text that just said, “I’m here.” Her response was “Thank you Adria. I will see you Tuesday at bible study.”

At first I was shocked, two days after her mom passes away and she wants to come to bible study. What am I suppose to say? What are we supposed to talk about that night? Tuesday rolled around and I knew there was nothing I could say, there was no scripture I could give her, and there was no song I could play, so we dedicated that night to a night of prayer. The girls took turns praying for different things and I closed the night off by praying for this sweet girl and her family. In that moment I realized: it wasn’t about her coming so she could hear something that would make everything better. It wasn’t about her coming and me having some powerful talk that would heal her. No, it was just the fact she had somewhere to go. She had a place to come to that she knew was safe. That was all she needed.

A place.

A safe place.

A hiding place.

I battled all summer long with the desire to transfer schools. I wanted to do more. I wanted to experience more. The nonstop back and forth game in my head was never ending. Most of you know that I coach high school volleyball. Every day I would come home and find myself telling my mom about another girl that was just so heavy on my heart and every time she would suggest them being a part of my bible study this year, but I kept running into the problem of “they aren’t seniors.”

I wanted more, but Jesus wanted more too.

Months ago I was tossing and turning in my bed just thinking about what to do with school and my next semester and I could not land on a decision. Jesus so clearly spoke to me in that night “you aren’t transferring.” With hesitation and resistance I finally surrendered and just said, “Okay Lord, I am not going anywhere.”

It was then that the tiny little dream that had been tucked down inside of me birthed to life. But it wasn’t until I was willing to tell Jesus that I would stay that He was willing to reveal it to me.  You see, He was just waiting until I got to the place where I finally surrendered and was willing to dig my heels into the ground I was/am walking on that so He could show me the "more" I wanted. I quickly scribbled these thoughts into my journal that night and ever since then everything has sky rocketed.

That all leads me to this….

That little bible study needed to be more.

That bible study that was just senior girls needed to be more.

I wanted more, and Jesus gave me more.

I asked some of the girls who were a part of the bible study last year to write a review. There were two similarities throughout them all.

1. Connecting with other girls in their own community and realizing they weren’t alone in following Jesus.

2.     Having somewhere to go.

When I think back on my high school years I still find pain in some of the mistakes I made, but grace rains down on those wounds and slowly is healing them, but yet I still think of the “what ifs.” I am learning that those can’t apply to me anymore, what is done is done.  But I lay awake in bed at night heartbroken for the high school girls that are doing exactly what I did. I dream of the “what ifs” for them.  I was lonely, and decided that where everyone else was going, I was going to go to as well. I wanted a place, and I found one. But it wasn’t the right one.

What if girls had somewhere to go on a Friday night instead of the party? What if sooner or later they realized there are people with the same heart as them? What if they knew they did not have to run to the boy to be seen? What if they had a safe place to run to have someone give them grace they need for their own wounds? What if they had that place? A place to run and hide from the ways of the world.

How many girls would not sit alone on Friday nights? How many girls would not feel the need to go to the party? How many girls would find a community because they know at this place they will find people like them? How many girls would not run to the boy? How many girls would choose Jesus instead of choosing the world?

Maybe they just need a place.

Well, I am REALLY excited to say we are in the process of creating that place. After many phone calls, emails, and meetings, things are starting to piece together. What was once a little bible study for senior girls will now be a once a month gathering, on a Saturday night, for all high school girls. Sometimes I think the church can serve as a barrier. She goes to this church, and she goes to that church, and it eliminates possibilities for some girls to meet. The purpose of these events will be to connect high school girls with other girls in their community, that without a gathering like this they would never meet. With the goal in mind that maybe once connected friendships will form, and loneliness will disperse. Community is the key to following Jesus in high school, and some girls just need to find a community, we want to help them make that happen.

I honored and so humbled to say that Cindy Cathy has agreed to come alongside of me and one of my dear friends, Haley Lamp, and help us make these nights happen. I am excited to learn from someone like Cindy Cathy. We are in the process of finding a temporary space for these events to happen, but the goal/dream in sight is to one day create a space that would just be dedicated to high school girls, and would be available more than just once a month, but that is a long way off. I have a meeting Sunday to get approval to use what we think might be perfect for these nights.

 “For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”

                                                                       Psalm 32:7

                                                                         The Mission:

To allow High school aged girls to have somewhere to run instead of running to the ways of the world. A place where they can find: safety, security, community, and truth. A place where they can sit and allow Jesus to guide them down the best pathway for their lives. A place where they ultimately will learn how to hid themselves in Jesus, the true hiding place, and grow to realize in Him they have everything they need.

High school girls, get excited because we are!

Friends, will you start praying for this with us?

Questions? Suggestions? Or want to be a part of making this happen? We would love to hear from you.

Coming soon:

That place that so many need.

Starting 2016.

Jesus, be the center.

All Things Messy

I am an organized person. I was a mothers dream teenager because there was never the battle of having me clean my room. I did it naturally and still do.  I live by a planner. Not because I want to have every second of every day planned, but I like the comfort of knowing that my day will be a little less chaotic because I took an extra step to plan it out, and to remind myself what I have going on. This semester my organized and tidy self was turned upside down.

My planner would explode if I tried to write everything down. Juggling school, work, and coaching has been one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. I spend so much time in my car just going from point A to point B and then eventually to point C: home to school, school to work, work to volleyball. A couple days ago I was driving from one point to another and looked in my rearview mirror into my backseat, and (total girl moment) just started crying. It looked like my car was my second bedroom. I keep all my books for school in my car because I know I will forget one trying to get out the door in the morning. I have my book bag, my gym bag, my volleyball bag, and who knows what all else is back there. To say the least it was the farthest thing from clean. I remember just saying, “Jesus, my life is such a mess right now.”

           

Days before I had been reading/studying the story of Martha and Mary in Luke 10.

“Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.” Luke 10:42

Another version says, “Only one thing is essential, and Mary has chosen it.” Everything in this world opposes the idea of loving Jesus, but we have to choose it anyway. Mary got it right, she chose the one thing that was needed, and nobody could take that from her. But Mary’s choice was driven by her desire to respond. Mary sat at his feet, inhaling every word Jesus had to say, and His worlds fueled her to respond, and her response was her choosing Him. I was so reminded in that moment when I thought my life was such a mess that I had a choice. I could be Martha and be “pulled away by all she had to do” (Luke 10:40) or I could be Mary and I could just choose Jesus. Isn’t it that simple most of the times? We can choose to be pulled away and to see everything in our lives or we can choose Jesus.

Jesus set the most beautiful example for us to follow. When He could have chosen the heavens and all their glory, He chose a crown of thorns and a spear in His side. When He could have chosen beauty, he chose the mess. He chose the mess because He saw us in the mess; He saw beauty in the mess.  

As cliché as it is, it is all about perspective. I learned that day that sometimes the mess just says you are living. You are giving life all you got and not slowing down to tidy up. If that’s the case maybe what we sometimes think is mess is really just life. Maybe sometimes Jesus takes us to those places of breakdowns in the driver seat of our cars to remind us that our choice to continuously choose him is the very thing that will always see us through, and that how your life appears to look really doesn’t matter. All that matters is that when people see your life they see Jesus. 

Maybe the backseat of you car is a mess. Maybe your kitchen is overflowing with dishes. Maybe your hair hasn’t been fixed in weeks. All of that doesn’t discredit your ability to be the hands and feet of Jesus. I think that is what I was missing. I thought that I had to have it “all together” to be able to be used. But in the end it’s not our ability to have it all together, it’s our ability to just say yes.  

I am not discrediting the tidiness. I am not speaking against being organized. I still live in a way where I try to do those things. I am saying that when we get to the point that we can’t adjust to anything other than our perfectly organized life and checking off our to do lists then we are becoming a Martha. If we are living in the way where we get uncomfortable when our days don’t go as how our agenda planned than we have our hand squeezed a little too tightly around control, and we have to release that. Control is saying “my way.” Flexibility is saying “whatever you want Jesus.”

I had to let go of my control that day in my car. I had to let Jesus shatter my agenda. I had to live a messy life to see that a messy life is no less satisfying than a “tidy life.” I had to go back to the beginning. I had to sit down at His feet, listen to what He was trying to say, and then respond. I had to do as Mary did. I had see that my eyes can't be fixated on the things of this world. I had to see that I just needed to choose Jesus. It was that simple. 

Here is to realizing that messy lives are beautiful.

Today, just choose Jesus. Nothing else matters.