Sometimes I start to write a post and constantly find
myself hitting the backspace button over and over, because I really just don’t
know what to say. This is one of those times. A post I feel should be filled with so much
heartache, but I am instead finding so much gratitude in my heart.
Some say
that time heals all things, but I completely disagree. Time doesn’t heal things, but if we
allow it, time can shift the attitude of our hearts. That is what I have
learned over the past 12 years.
My father said goodbye to this world, and hello to heaven,
but today, the day before the clock strikes midnight and it officially has been
twelve years, I choose gratitude.
I choose gratitude for the little things, like my love of
every sport known to man, for my sense of competitiveness, for my ability to
talk to just about anyone, for the joy that I find in the simplest things. All
things my dad installed in me.
I choose gratitude for the big things, like the
understanding of how important family is, for the ability to have confidence to
speak up when no one else will, to go the extra mile for someone just because,
and above all, to love Jesus, because He is what matters in this life. All things
my dad taught me.
Gratitude says
look at what has been, instead of what hasn’t been.
There have been many moments that I would find myself
whispering into the night, through tears, the simple wish for him to just be here
for something.
To see me play softball or volleyball.
To see me step on a stage in front of thousands of people
and speak.
To see me coach my first game.
But when I stopped long enough and asked Jesus to help me
see the good, I started to realize…all the things I so desperately wanted him
to be here for, where all things that he played such a part in.
I wouldn’t have played sports if he hadn’t made me fall in
love with them.
I wouldn’t have stepped onto that stage that day if he
hadn’t taught me to be bold.
I wouldn’t have decided to be a coach if I hadn’t watched
him be one for so many years.
I stopped
looking at was wasn’t there of him, and started looking at what was there of
him… in me.
And in all of it, there has been Jesus. Every step He took
up to Calvary was Him ensuring that despite my earthly father not being here, I
would still go through life with someone to call Father. He established a
place where cancer couldn’t win. He gives us hope through the promise of heaven.
I choose gratitude because of the parts of my dad that live on
through me.
I choose gratitude because cancer doesn’t get to win.
I choose gratitude because I have never once been fatherless,
and never once walked this journey alone.
I choose gratitude because there was death, but there has been much life.
“You're a good, good father.
It's who You are, it's who You are,
it's who You are.
And I'm loved by you.
It's who I am, it's who I am, it's
who I am.”
-HouseFires
