Jesus, I am sorry for questioning you.

Confusion starts as single gust of wind but then spirals into a tornado quicker than you could ever imagine. Doubt is one wave crashing into the shore, but then rapidly becomes a hurricane. When one of them or both of them enter into our lives the only thing they bring about is destruction. But at the center of both that tornado and hurricane are simply unanswered questions.

Car crashes, gravesides, addiction, miscarriages, cancer… the list could go on on. In this life it in inevitable at one point or another we will stare face to face with something that leaves us with questions we never thought we would have to ask. It is when we don’t find the answers to those questions that doubt and confusion take a seat on our hearts and they sit back and watch the destruction let loose.

And for those of who have been there, we can all agree that everyone seems to know the answers you are searching for, but more than you wish for answers you wish people would just for a lack of better words, shut up.

Job gets it.

[Job 16:1-4] 

If you were in my shoes:

I’ve had all I can take of your talk.
What a bunch of miserable comforters!
Is there no end to your windbag speeches?
What’s your problem that you go on and on like this?
If you were in my shoes,
I could talk just like you.
I could put together a terrific harangue
and really let you have it.

I am just going to pause and say an amen real quick to all of what Job just said.

Let me give you a little background info for where we are at right now with Job. Most of us know the story of Job. Here in chapter 16 Job is having a conversation with Eliphaz and Temaninte. Eliphaz and Temaninte are trying to make sense of Job’s hardships for Him. But like we read above Job gets to the point where he just can’t take it anymore. He is tired of the long speeches and all their talk. It is when he gets to this point that Job is honest in a way most of would never be.

[Job 16: 12-16]

All was well with me, but he shattered me;

He seized me by the neck and crushed me.
He has made me his target;
his archers surround me.
Without pity, he pierces my kidneys
and spills my gall on the ground.

Again and again he bursts upon me;
he rushes at me like a warrior.

I have sewed sackcloth over my skin
and buried my brow in the dust.
My face is red with weeping;
dark shadows ring my eyes….

Maybe you have been there. Maybe you have felt shattered, or crushed. Maybe you have felt like you had a target on you and everything was aiming straight at you. Maybe your face has been red because of weeping.

Job chapters 16-37 are filled with complaints, with questions, with confusion, and with doubt. Job doesn’t hold anything back… but “finally, God answered Job from the eye of a violent storm.” (Job 38:1)

The Lord tells Job it is His turn to ask the question. (Job 38:3)

[Job 38: 4-11]

Where were you when I created the earth?

Tell me, since you know so much!
Who decided on its size? Certainly you’ll know that!
Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?
How was its foundation poured,
and who set the cornerstone,
While the morning stars sang in chorus
and all the angels shouted praise?
And who took charge of the ocean

when it gushed forth like a baby from the womb?
That was me! I wrapped it in soft clouds,
and tucked it in safely at night.

Jesus shows Job that He was listening to every cry that ever left his mouth. He shows him that He has heard all his questions. Jesus is saying to Job that he needs to stop for a moment and look at all that He has already done and remember all that He is able to do and ask himself can he do any of that.

But Jesus is also telling us that today.

He wants us to stop and look at all that He has done and be reminded of all that He is able to do.

The question most time is “how could God let this happen?”

But I think the real question today is “how could we question a God that is so much greater than ourselves?”

[Job 42:1-6]

I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything.

Nothing and no one can upset your plans.
You asked, ‘Who is this muddying the water,
ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’
I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me,
made small talk about wonders way over my head.
You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking.
Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’
I admit I once lived by rumors of you;
now I have it all firsthand—from my own eyes and ears!
I’m sorry—forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise!

Job admits his stupidity in questioning Jesus. He realizes he spoke of things that were far beyond his knowledge, and then he repents.

Most of the time our questions are things that even if Jesus answered we would still not understand because His ways are higher than ours. His ways are incomprehensible

How different would our lives look if we realized when we question Jesus we are the ones in the wrong, not Him.

I am giving you and me full permission to be as honest as Job was and to ask as many questions that you need to ask, but I am challenging us to not let our hearts stay in that place.

Let’s learn from Job that you can be shattered, crushed, and your eyes can be red with weeping. You can be in a place that has your life screaming questions at Jesus, but you can move back to the place of knowing He can do anything and everything, and knowing nothing and no one can upset His plans.

But Job only got there through repentance.

Have your tornado of confusion.

Have your hurricane of doubt.

Ask your questions.

But then repent.

This is Why: Part II

For those of you who know me, or keep up with my blog you know all about the first "this is why" post and how unexpectedly it took off and spread like wildfire. For those of you who don't know the story you can read it here. Part I 
(you are going to want to read that before this.)

However, today I have a new story for you.

I have entered into a whole new season of life this year. I started college three weeks ago and that in itself is a whole new world. I also entered into my first season of coaching volleyball for my old high-school. My days go a little like this..... class, drive to practice, eat lunch will driving to practice, practice for two hours, dinner, homework, shower (sometimes), bed, and then wake up and do it all over again. Throw in a game once or twice a week, which means late nights and homework being started after 10 o'clock and you have my week. To sum it up, I think I am always tired, and I am always trying to catch up. Talk about a wake up call. This time last year I would wake up every single day and struggle to find something to do. I went from one extreme to another, and from being tired of the rest to longing for rest.

Don't get me wrong, I am loving every second of this new chapter. It might be crazy, but sometimes crazy is good. But the past week or so I have found struggle because the business has taken away the countless hours out of the week that I used to spend with a precious 8 year old girl and her brothers (the same little girl mentioned in the other post). I would see instagram post their mom would put up of the kids and I would feel so full of shame, because Satan was whispering in my ear, "you left them." But Satan does't get the last word. Jesus ensured that when He hung on the cross on top of calvary. When He spoke out, "it is finished," He was also telling Satan he was finished.

I love the girls I get to coach, but from the get go there has been one that I was just drawn to. We just clicked. She is a junior so technically she isn't suppose to be on my team, but because she just transferred from a public school to a private school she wasn't eligible to play varsity. Lets just stop right there for a second.... she shouldn't even be on my team, but she is.

This past Saturday we played in a tournament at Norcross Highschool. But leading up to Saturday I had a player call me last minute and tell me she wasn't coming, and another one tell me Friday night that she was sick. My stress level was through the roof. When my alarm went off at 5:30 Saturday morning I was flat out just irritated. I didn't want to go. Oh and on top of all of that, we didn't have keys to our bus so we were late to our game, and the gym we were playing in didn't have air condition.

But, the day went on.

After our first game we had an our break, so the girls were all sitting at a table in the lunchroom eating some snacks, and I was just small talking with some of the parents.

I sat down across from the mom of the girl I told you earlier about, the one I just clicked with. She had just met my mom the night before at the football game. That is crazy in itself because my mom never goes to football games, but she did that night because my niece was performing in the half time show. One thing led to another, and somehow I ended up showing her a picture of my family, and was telling her who everyone looked like. After pointing to my older brother and saying, "he looks just like my dad did," she then asked me, "did your dad pass away?" I answered, "yes mam, when I was eight." Expecting a typical response of, "I am so sorry," she looked and me and said, "did my daugher tell you her dad died when she was nine?"

déjà vu huh?

I looked at her mom with a blank stare because I instantly understood. The same way I understood why I was so drawn to a little girl in a 1st grade tent, I understood why I was drawn to a 17 year old girl on a volleyball team. I then told her mom the story of how this has happened to me before, and how I knew there was something about her daughter all along, but that I couldn't pin point it, and she sat in just as much amazement as I did.

For this to happen once in someones life is one thing, but it to happen twice... whoah.

My heart that was so full of shame was stripped of all shame, and was filled with the simple phrase once again, "this is why." Granted my heart still misses that little girl, and I know she will forever be a part of my life, but Jesus has made it so clear to me that my story, and my life isn't just meant to be shared with one person. If I let Him, He wants to make Himself known not to just one person, but to many. Your story isn't just meant to be shared with one person. Your story is meant to be shared with every person. 

I knew that when I walked into this new chapter that it was exactly where Jesus wanted me to go, but I didn't really understand why He was asking me to step away, for a time, from 3 kids that I knew I had been called to. But a 17 year old girl answered my question. 

In a way it was also Jesus saying, "hey, I know you think you are here to make these girls better volleyball players but you are here for so much more than that."

The beautiful thing was that I simply didn't want to go to this tournament, as bad as that is. Everything was going all wrong. I was mad, tired, and it was the last place I wanted to be.... but it was the exact place Jesus wanted me to be.

Jesus has made is so clear to me that even the days that leave us questioning not only ourself but sometimes even questioning Him are not excluded from the days He wants to reveal Himself to us. On the worst of days, Jesus is near. 

A dear friend told me one night in his kitchen this Summer that, "sometimes one calling ends, so another calling can begin." 

That's it.

Maybe Jesus is calling you somewhere right now but you are fighting it, and questioning it because you know that where you are is where at one time you were confident Jesus wanted you to be. That might be the case, but my friend said it best... sometimes one calling ends, so another can begin. 

Isaiah 43:17-19

"This is what God says,
the God who builds a road right through the ocean,
who carves a path through pounding waves,
The God who summons horses and chariots and armies—
they lie down and then can’t get up;
they’re snuffed out like so many candles:
Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new."

[Be alert. Be present. I am about to do something brand-new.]

Be alert friends, Jesus wants to do something new. Don't find yourself in love with being comfortable. But instead be willing to go at all times. Be ready for the "new."

And when you take that step of faith into the "new" and begin to question, lean it. He will answer. He will show you... "this is why."